There are some things I’m not saying: Loss, I’m feeling it in life.
I’ve learned that October and
November bring reflection on my most painful loss so far, but other losses are also on my mind. My Day of the Dead altar will be fuller this year.
This past winter, my great aunt passed away. She was the last of my grandmom’s generation. Then, in the spring, my uncle from the same side of the family passed away. I haven’t spent time with my family in the US since this happened and sometimes I feel very far away. A favourite teacher, the man who taught me to write a great essay and my debate coach, passed away in July. And I still miss my Nanny (grandmom), wishing I could write her a letter or make her laugh.
What I never mentioned- because I still don’t know how to write about it- is that my childhood summer camp closed down and is on the market for commercial development.
Lastly, we’ve learned that our 5 year old cat has a congenital heart defect and has reached his life expectancy. On top of that, the vet tells us to expect it suddenly and at any time.
I’m doing my best to continue to give him all the love I can just like usual, but sometimes knowing that we can’t plan to have him in our family for a long time makes it feel SO BIG. It makes me start thinking about the family we’ve lost, never got to know, and everyone I’m fearful of losing.
‘We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.’ ~Joseph Campbell